One Interview Closer

 I told myself I wouldn't get my hopes up with this job, I told myself that whatever happened I wouldn't shed tears yet this is exactly what ended up happening. Last Thursday I got a message from one of my references that they had been contacted regarding this position and my hopes shot up maybe this job was the one, the one I had been waiting so long for. I let myself dream of employment and yes I knew the job was four days which might be a bit much at the moment especially after having a couple of days with more dizziness than usual and yes they only had funding for the position until December but maybe they would get more funding and I could be made permanent. I let myself get excited and I felt content for once, I imagined celebrating getting the job. I kept pushing aside the doubts I had about the job and I hoped my doctor would sign off on me working it. 

I didn't hear anything on Friday and I told people on Saturday night that my references had been contacted and that the job seemed promising ignoring the voice in my head saying that it wasn't a done deal. Then today I missed a call when I was at lunch with a friend and when I listened to the voicemail from one of the people who interviewed me saying to call them I got excited. I tried to ring them back multiple times and I kept getting a busy line. I got home after lunch and my anxiety was off the rails, I tried to stay busy and paid a medical test bill (that finally came despite having the tests in June) all the while wondering if I had the job. I eventually got through and I was told that it came down to me and another person and unfortunately I didn't get the job. I tried to stay upbeat and asked for feedback and asked if my references were good (which they were), it came down to experience at the end of the day. Towards the end the tears started to fall and the person on the other end of the phone got apologetic and concerned and said I was a good candidate and it was a close race. I hung up and the tears really started to fall and a mini panic attack started. I messaged friends and my bible study group thanking them for their prayers and support but I wasn't successful in getting the job. It had been over four weeks since the interview and four weeks of built up anxiety collapsed on my shoulders. I rang up my employment agency consultant and let them know and they were supportive and told me I would soon find the perfect job. I let the anxieties I had with the job bubble up and I wondered if it was even wise for me to work four days a week at the moment. 

I have always said throughout this journey God is in control and that he lead me to studying community services for a reason and would lead me to the perfect job and this job wasn't it. I prayed throughout this recruitment that if it was the right job that he would make it work but if it wasn't the right job that he would comfort me and guide me to the right job at the right time. So I'm back to square one and I feel defeated but tomorrow is a new day and I'm one interview closer to getting the job for me.