Thursday, September 19, 2013

A year ago

Sorry for being abesent for the past 2 weeks but my temp work was extended (I finish tomorrow) and whenever I tried to get round to blogging I got distracted.

A year ago today I was forced to walk away from my first proper adult job due to anxiety attacks, I cried for days and didn't want to get out of bed or face anyone, I thought about ending it all but I didn't. Instead I got help, I learnt how to fight my anxiety attacks, what caused them and why they were happening to me. I made myself get out of bed and learnt to look for beauty in the little things. I set myself goals and tasks to be completed over the course of weeks and months so there was always something to do. I let myself heal from the past and accepted that though I couldn't change it I could change the future.

Now a year later I have held down a part time job successfully for 12 weeks (I only left due to management problems), completed work experience at 2 different places and tomorrow I will finish off a 4 week full time temp placement, none of this I thought would be possible this time last year. My anxiety attacks are no longer a threat and on days when I feel things are getting too much I just remember the words my pyschologist told me to take care of myself, take one thing at time and breathe.

 I still want to work in admin and currently see no reason to look into other options (though I got a call from my employment agency today and the first thing they said was that we need a meeting to discuss other options) as my deadline became null and void the moment I got this temp placement.

This past year has been hard but with God, an amazing family, a great church family, close friends (looking at you Gem!) and my amazing pyschologist I have survived it and have come out the other end stronger and with the understanding that my anxiety will only rule my life if I let it.

I am now praying that God will show me my next step whatever that will be and focusing on the now, as God has the future all sorted out so why should I worry?