Wednesday, September 26, 2012

(Very) Small Steps

Things are hard and I have shread alot of tears and I know there are still more to come. I want to stay in bed all day but still I get up and get dressed even if I just spend the day reading on the couch as I know it can only get better. Truthfully though every time I think life can't get worse it does, I stacked it in the shops on Saturday and managed to bruise both my knee bones so both my knees are black and blue and yes I know I bruised the bone I bruised my left knee bone when I was 11 and I thought it was just the skin that was bruised but after 2 weeks it was still sore and the doctor took one look at it and said I had bruised the bone and they both feel the same and I heard them crack on the tiles as I slipped (stupid patch of water and gripless boots!). They hurt early in the mornings and at night but as long as I don't run or do anything majorly physically I am fine. I have been listening to music and doing small things towards my goal of eventually returning to the work force (though part time) I have an appointment with a psychologist next Thursday who seems really nice so I am praying that goes well. I need to take steps and no matter how small the steps I am still working towards employment and thats all that matters.

Saturday, September 22, 2012

No Strength

I lost my first actual job this week I had it for a grand total of 2 days due to my anxiety. I am mad and annoyed at my anxiety it shouldn't have happened but it did and once again I have to pick up the pieces only this time I don't have the strength. The strength to apply for 50 more jobs and go through 10 more interviews and dealing with all the knockbacks. The strength to smile and say 'I'm fine' when I'm not. The strength to get up in the morning rather than stay in bed. The strength to not cry. The strength to slowly rebuild once again due to my anxiety. I haven't been myself since last Sunday I want to smile but my mood is the type that would give kids nightmares so many people are worried about me and I am worried about myself too. I have no idea what to do but maybe God does

Saturday, September 8, 2012

The Perfect Job

Many people have been impressed with how I have been so trusting in God during my job hunting process and truth be told it was hard but it kept me going knowing that every knockdown led me one step closer to getting the perfect job.

 Monday morning I had an interview with a foundation and truth be told I had no idea what to expect but everything went perfectly I found the place with 20 minutes to spare (I have been prone to getting lost) and decided to just go in which turned out to be good as I went into the interview 10 minutes early. As soon as I walked into the company the atmosphere felt like the company was a big family (I have walked into some companies where it felt tense). The interview went great, basically I was told what the job would involve, the hours (30 hours a week) and was asked some questions regarding my skills. I was told that they had over 80 applicants and I was one of 3 (or 4) that was being interviewed as the bulk of the applicants had alot of experience which they didn't want (they wanted someone they could train up and but had general knowledge and a bit of experience) as not for profit companies work differently to commercial. The job felt perfect and I walked out feeling on top of the world.

Then I had to wait until yesterday if I got the job which I so badly wanted it was a long wait to say the least. I had another interview with another company which went ok and then was meeting up with a friend for lunch so that all happened and my phone didn't ring once during that. So I went home and decided to bake biscuits to keep me busy and of course the phone rang just when my hands were dirty and there was flour on my phone! I was quite jumpy when I found out it was the company but was so happy when they told me I had the job. I danced round the house and texted my mum (who wanted to be the first to know if I got the job) and praised god because truth be told the job is perfect. I start on the 17th (two days after I turn 18) and I can't wait :) God is amazing and I know that he had this job picked out for me right from the start and all I had to do was wait and trust him throughout the job hunting process.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

18 years in Numbers

I'm turning 18 in a 1 and a half weeks so I thought I would do a series of posts title '18 years in...' I have decided to start with numbers.

8- the number of houses I have lived in.
1060-how old I was in days when my first sister was born
1484-how old I was in days when my second sister was born
2-the number of primary schools I went to
2-the number of high schools I went to
2-the number of times I have flown interstate
17- the number of years I have known my oldest friend
5-the number of churches I have belonged to
7-the number of cats I have ever owned (including current ones)
11.45pm-the time I was born
14-how many days I was overdue
3-number of places I have worked
15-my favourite number
11-number of cousins I have
10-age I was when my Grandfather died
3-number of computing awards I won in high school
170-amount of friends I have on facebook
6-the number of hours it takes to travel to my favourite place in the world
2-the number of piercings I have in each ear
3-number of phones I have had
47-how many albums I have on iTunes
10.30pm-the average time I go to sleep each night

This is just a bit of my life in numbers, I know it could go on but I wanted to keep it short.