Friday, March 29, 2013

Finishing up work experience

Yesterday I finished up work experience at the university as there is no more work for me to do. I enjoyed every moment of it (even the moments I was fighting with the printer/photocopier!), I felt like I had a purpose and that alone gave me self confidence. I was never made to feel anything but an equal around the people I worked with. Everyone who worked in the building loved it and you could sense it as soon as you walked in the door.

On my third day working there I could feel an anxiety attack coming on before I started work, I managed to be beat it and no one could've guessed that I almost had an attack. The feeling that I didn't let it win was amazing and I finally had peace that I can beat the attacks.

As far as the job front goes I had an interview on Monday which was unsuccessful and I am praying that something comes up soon while I am on this confidence high from work experience. I don't know any 18 year olds who have a professor as a reference on their resume so I am hoping that will make me stand out from the crowd. I have also been told that if any more work comes up at the uni I will get a call and as I am considered staff (I have a login and staff card) so it means that I have a better chance of getting a job there. This chapter has ended and my next chapter begins and as sad as it is to finish up this chaper I know God has something special for the next chapter of my life.

Monday, March 25, 2013

Hitting the ground running

Today I hit the ground running (literally at times). I managed to make it to my interview only 2 minutes late (big thanks to road works and slow drivers!) and it went ok. Then I raced to work experience and got there at 10.45am where I worked nonstop (doing a stocktake of the stationary cupboard, filing, answering phones and dealing with general enquiries ect) in the middle of it all I got a phone call regarding that mornings interview telling me that they were very sorry but I didn't get the job. To be honest I didn't care, it was tricky to get to, the hours weren't ideal and I couldn't see myself working there long term. Sure if I got offered the job I would've taken it, but I knew all along that there was a better job out there for me.

When asked why I want to to work in admin I have always said that I am good with computers and people but they are just reasons in a sense. The other week (when I was having an interview that wasn't an interview for work experience) the reason finally came to me: I want to help people and try and make a difference in their lives even if its only for a second or two. I know there are lots of jobs that help people 'directly' yet admin is one of those jobs where you help people indirectly and through everything you do, though at times you may not feel like you are helping someone you are.

I am just continuing to pray that God will give me the right job at the right time and until then I will continue to do work experience and focus on the bigger picture, whatever that may be.

Thursday, March 21, 2013


I have an interview first thing Monday morning, I should be jumping around the house screaming right? But for some reason I'm not, maybe its because I didn't take my medication until an hour ago as when I left the house this morning I completely forgot about it or maybe its because I am enjoying work experience and feeling that getting there (at least) an hour later than usual will be a bad thing or maybe its because I know I shouldn't get my hopes up.

I LOVE work experience and I love how much its helping me and I know that when it comes to an end or I get a job (which ever comes first) I will be sad. After 3 days my confidence has sky rocketed and I feel like I am wanted and a use to someone. I was in town today and I found myself almost wandering to the building where I work, even though today is my day off. I like keeping busy and work experience not only does that but helps me with my skills so its a win win. I know the professor I work under won't mind me coming in late and from the interview (which wasn't an interview) a week ago he has said that interviews for potential jobs always come first and work experience second.

So why am I not exited about this potiental job? I have no idea but if its the right job for me God will give it to me.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Work Experience Update

  • Never a dull moment
  • Busy but fun
  • Living off caffiene (love it how the building not only has tea and coffee but Coke Zero too )
  • Helping the professor by finding documents on Mental Health and young adults for a paper
  • Haven't stacked it on the stairs (yet)
  • Anxiety has stayed away
  • Good to be working and feel needed/wanted
  • Praying I get a job at the university
  • Love the people who I work with
  • Getting weird looks by uni students 
  • I walk in confident and walk out confident
  • Can't wait to go back
  • Creating lots of documents and putting data in them from feedback forms
  • Love getting dressed up for work every morning (hello cute heels which I bought for when I got a job but haven't had a chance to wear them until now)
  • Finding my feet
  • Only moving forward

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Just another step in the right direction

I didn't get the job at the flooring company and it doesn't matter. Friday I did something I never thought I would do and started work experience for a local university. I am working under a professor doing data entry and general admin jobs. My employment agency on Wednesday told me about it and said the opportunity was to good to miss and they thought of me the moment they were contacted about getting someone to do it. On Thursday I had an interview that wasn't an interview to meet the professor and the other people I would be working with and it felt right. I am 'working' Mondays, Tuesdays and Fridays 6 hours a day and there is a chance I could do some casual (paid) work too. The university always has admin jobs coming up and working there gives me a better chance to get an interview plus simply doing work experience for a university under a professor looks great on my resume.

Friday went well I was a bit worried that I would get confused for a uni student so made sure to dress the part and I admit it was strange to see people my around my age studying there. It felt good to work and to be needed/wanted and I feel like I am getting somewhere. I have no idea how long I will be doing work experience there but I guess its not my decision but God's, to be honest I would love it if I could get paid (permanent part time) employment at the university so I just have to pray that God opens a door for it.

Until then I will continue to put 150% in and enjoy learning new skills.

This video below always makes me smile and I downloaded the song off iTunes recently and have been blasting it non stop.

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Firsts, lasts and everything inbetween

Today was a day of firsts and lasts. I had my first interview for the year, the first interview where I actually enjoyed it and could eat before it. I also had my last pyschologist appointment. I wish I could say I am free of anxiety but I know I never will be, but to know for the time being I have it under control is a great feeling.

I had the interview first thing this morning, I made sure to relax and walked in confidently and actually enjoyed myself. I laughed with the person who interviewed me and by the end of it I honestly couldn't think of any way it could've gone better. Its for a job at a flooring company around the corner from me, so it means I can walk to it which is awesome so no public transport. Its a family company and very supportive so all I can do is pray that I get it.

In total I have had 16 pysch appointments and with each one I have learnt more about myself and my anxiety. I connected with my pyschologist right from the beginning which helped so much and it was sad to go, but at the same time it felt right. I left with her email address and the promise to text and email her about my job searches and she promised to send me pictures of her daughter when she is born (she is going on maternity leave until January). I doubt I would be here today without her and I thank God for placing me in the hands of a great pyschologist.

 I was thinking the other day how my life would've been so different if I had stayed on at the first job and not left due to anxiety attacks. I wouldn't have run into a friend from primary school on the bus, I wouldn't have discovered my favourite cafe and I wouldn't have rediscovered the park of my childhood. Do I regret having to leave my first job? At times I have but then I realise that it wasn't meant to be and if I hadn't gotten treatment for my anxiety attacks when I did it would've been harder to treat them in the long run. I have learnt to accept that what I wanted wasn't God's plans for me and that sometimes its ok to cry. Will the future be easy for me? I doubt it but having faced such a huge challenge I know that things DO get worse before they getting better (bruising both my knee bones 2 days after I left my first job, by slipping on a small patch of water wearing boots with no grip yep that happened to me, it sucked and it only got worse!).

I have no idea what the future will hold, whether I will even get this job I had in the interview for but I am glad that I am finally getting somewhere and things can only get better.

The song below has really helped me during the hard times and I have blasted this song so many times over the past few months.

Friday, March 1, 2013

Stuck with no where to go

I'm sorry that I have been absent lately but this past week has been hard. I have struggled to get out of bed this past week and have been in tears so many times. It hit me that I haven't had a job interview since November and it sucks. I would've thought by now I would be working and its hard to accept that I'm not. I am doing all the right things but it makes me ask the question is something wrong with me? I know I have all the right training, but what is it that is stopping people giving me a chance. I can't affoard to go back to studying and even if I could I don't think I could give it my all. Work experience has crossed my mind but most companies are only willing if you want to do it full time which I can't handle. So I am stuck and not going anywhere which sucks. I know I can do all the jobs I apply for yet no one is willing to give me a chance.

If I could get one interview I know I could impress the company and prove to them that I am what they want. I may be young but I work hard and give everything my all, I pick up new computer programs quickly and I can work alone or in a team.

I need a job to feel like I am worth something until I get one I feel worthless and miserable. Yes I do need the money (to adopt a kitten, buy a car and pay for my expenses) but it more about feeling worth something than the money. I want to walk into work confident (which I admit I struggle to feel) and walk out confident, feeling like I have had a great day. I guess all I can do is pray that God gives me a job that is suited to me perfectly.

Life has to keep moving forward and I can't stay stuck here forever.

Picture from a girl and a glue gun