Thursday, March 7, 2013

Firsts, lasts and everything inbetween

Today was a day of firsts and lasts. I had my first interview for the year, the first interview where I actually enjoyed it and could eat before it. I also had my last pyschologist appointment. I wish I could say I am free of anxiety but I know I never will be, but to know for the time being I have it under control is a great feeling.

I had the interview first thing this morning, I made sure to relax and walked in confidently and actually enjoyed myself. I laughed with the person who interviewed me and by the end of it I honestly couldn't think of any way it could've gone better. Its for a job at a flooring company around the corner from me, so it means I can walk to it which is awesome so no public transport. Its a family company and very supportive so all I can do is pray that I get it.

In total I have had 16 pysch appointments and with each one I have learnt more about myself and my anxiety. I connected with my pyschologist right from the beginning which helped so much and it was sad to go, but at the same time it felt right. I left with her email address and the promise to text and email her about my job searches and she promised to send me pictures of her daughter when she is born (she is going on maternity leave until January). I doubt I would be here today without her and I thank God for placing me in the hands of a great pyschologist.

 I was thinking the other day how my life would've been so different if I had stayed on at the first job and not left due to anxiety attacks. I wouldn't have run into a friend from primary school on the bus, I wouldn't have discovered my favourite cafe and I wouldn't have rediscovered the park of my childhood. Do I regret having to leave my first job? At times I have but then I realise that it wasn't meant to be and if I hadn't gotten treatment for my anxiety attacks when I did it would've been harder to treat them in the long run. I have learnt to accept that what I wanted wasn't God's plans for me and that sometimes its ok to cry. Will the future be easy for me? I doubt it but having faced such a huge challenge I know that things DO get worse before they getting better (bruising both my knee bones 2 days after I left my first job, by slipping on a small patch of water wearing boots with no grip yep that happened to me, it sucked and it only got worse!).

I have no idea what the future will hold, whether I will even get this job I had in the interview for but I am glad that I am finally getting somewhere and things can only get better.

The song below has really helped me during the hard times and I have blasted this song so many times over the past few months.

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