Friday, February 12, 2016

The final stage

Today is my final day at work and I thought I was handling it all fine until I had an urge to bake a cake and ate 4 timtams all before 9.00am! I guess I am unsure how I should be feeling, I mean I prayed for this for years and now I am walking away from it all because I can't handle it. This past week has been filled with various appointments and trying to figure out what my next step should be and nothing is very clear at this stage!
I also have very little to do at work as I no one wants me to start anything that I won't be able to finish before I leave so the 5 hours I am there drags on and on and by the end of it I am relieved to leave.
I went to see my doctor and psychologist this past week and both confirmed what I already knew that this job wasn't for me and it would've ended badly if I had stuck it out for much longer so that is some comfort.
Next week I am taking an unofficial break because I am feeling burnt out and know I need a week to gather my thoughts and pray regarding my next step. Monday I have an appointment with my employment agency first up then I am going to spend my morning in a café by the river and read my bible and pray. Tuesday is quiet and unknown at this stage. Wednesday the day is unknown but at night I am going see the film How To Be Single with a friend and have a girls night. Thursday is again unknown and on Friday its my youngest sisters ball and I will need to run her around to hair appointments and whatnot. At some stage I will ring up a list of possible care agencies and see if they have any casual positions but again I am giving it to God. I know he gave me this job for a reason even if it was just so I could pay my car off and know that Customer Service isn't for me. I am ready to take chances and try to find my place in this world while also knowing that God has a plan for me and he knows what he is doing.

Thursday, February 11, 2016

ReachOut NextStep

Getting help can be hard, really hard and its hard to know what kind of help you may need during the tough times. Thankfully ReachOut has made a solution called (drumroll please!) NextStep! It's super easy to use, you just click on all the things you are feeling/experiencing and it will come up with a list of providers and resources available to you. What's so good about it, is that its so simple that you can use it while in a crisis and you're not able to focus 100%. To show you how easy it is I have put together a guide!

First things first go to ReachOut.com, this will be the page that will appear, for those who have visited ReachOut before you will notice that the yellow bar is new and click open tool in sidebar.

This will lead you to this. There are loads of options 111 if you are being exact which is a lot, but you can get a shorter list up if you click on 'skip to shorter list' (its easy to feel overwhelmed about all the options). The reason why its such a big list is that it covers (close to) everything any young adult could be going through.

Select the ones you are going through/feeling, you can pick as many or as little as you like. For this tutorial I selected 'I feel anxious alot' because I have anxiety and feeling anxious is a big part of my life. The aim is to help you get as accurate help as possible so don't feel like you have to stick to 1 or 2  select as many as possible that relate to your situation.

I clearly only choose one so this page popped up but depending on what you click this page may or may not appear. Sometimes if its serious an Emergency Help screen may pop up which advises you to immeadiatly call one of the numbers listed to talk to someone.

I then had to help narrow down my feelings by filling out the information below including my state where I live, I was also given the option to narrow it down further if desired.

Finally after going through all the questions this is what it recommended for me.

As you can see the process couldn't be more easier and it gives good advice and resources to help you with what you are going through. The last you need to be doing when you are in a crisis to be over thinking things and NextStep takes it away by providing a wide range of options. It's well worth checking out!

*I am a Youth Ambassador for ReachOut but I was in now way forced to create the above guide I just loved NextStep so much that I had to share it with everyone.

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

The next stage

This is happening, on Friday I officially leave my job and I have mixed emotions about it all. I know I am doing what's right for me but apart of me is wondering whether is ok to throw away 6 months.
A while ago I listened to a sermon online and in it the preacher was saying that God doesn't care about how many 'likes' you have on Facebook or followers on Instagram or what you do as long as you are serving him and that message has been on my mind lately. In this society so much is weighed on your job and what you do but at the end of the day it shouldn't matter. I have survived being unemployed for 2 years and I will survive it again if need be. But if I am being honest I am ready to try new things and explore all my options, I want to take chances and risks (something that is so unlike me!) and enjoy finding my place in the world. I have said this many times and it honestly couldn't be much truer I am ready for God to lead me into this Journey and see what doors he opens. I am ready to face my fears and see what my next step will be, I am ready to show people how God has worked through me and how I find strength in him.
Because God knew this would happen and he has been preparing me for this stage in my life and I am 100% trusting in guide me.

Monday, February 1, 2016

Where God takes me next

Because eventually I am going to get over answering the following questions I thought I would put them here so maybe this will clear up some confusion among people as to why I am resigning from my job:
Why? Because having anxiety (and Dyspraxia) sucks! I went to work stressed, came home stressed and nothing was helping reduce it, things did partially help but in the end I had to admit that the job was doing it for me. I didn't like who I had become and realised that in order to avoid a breakdown leaving the job would be best. I also felt like I was drowning and when my probation got extended I knew it was time to realise that maybe this wasn't job for me.
I thought this was your dream job? Dreams change and honestly I liked the idea of the job more than the job and I am happy I realised this now rather than later.
What are you going to do now? Sit at home and binge watch TV shows - not really haha! At this stage I have no idea, continue with my studies, maybe find some casual work or look for something in date entry? Get back into ReachOut because I love doing that and I am craving doing it. Pray a bit and read my Bible and see where God leads me. I am open to anything and at this stage its just a matter of waiting and seeing what God has in stall for me.

I really wanted this job but at the end of the day I realised that just because I wanted it didn't mean that God wanted it for me and I am learning to be ok with that. I also realised just how stressed I was when I kicked my car on Saturday night (the day after I resigned) because I needed an outlet for my stress and anxiety regarding this job. I have grown in the past 6 months and I am thankful to have been given this opportunity and at the end of next week I will walk out of the office happy that I have given it my best shot and ready for wherever God takes me next.

Friday, January 29, 2016

Accepting

Following up on this post I felt I should let you guys know that I have put in my resignation letter today and will officially finish up 2 weeks from now. I honestly never wanted to be put in this position but at the end of the day it came down to 2 things my mental health and whether I saw this job ever getting easier, I didn't and when I realised that everyday I felt closer to burning out, I knew this job wasn't the one for me. I prayed about it, spoke to my pyschologist and employment agency about it, voiced my concerns with friends and at the end of the day I knew that I couldn't keep going. Its bittersweet to hand in my resignation and I have no idea what the future holds and a part of me is ok with that (the other part is wondering what the hell I am doing). I meet with my employment agency first thing on Monday morning and we will discuss my future employment wise, I am thinking either something more business behind the scenes based (data entry maybe?) and less people focused or I am open to doing some more caring type work or maybe just taking a break and doing retail for a while. I honestly have no idea and I am open to anything, I am just going to pray about it and see where God leads me. For now I am craving a chance to focus on ReachOut, my studies and myself.

Sunday, January 24, 2016

Through Those Doors

Last night I sat looking around the crazy people I call my friends all because of the church I go to. We played board games until late, chatted and just enjoyed each others company. These guys have been my biggest supporters and helped me through the tough times, when I lost my license (can't believe I can type 'when' there!) one of them offered to give me lifts home from work because she worked and lived near me (miss you L!). When I struggled with unemployment they picked me up and took me out for coffee and prayed for me.
Being a pastors kid means that I have had my fair share of churches and its tough finding your place in one. I have experienced small churches, medium churches and big churches at some stage in my life. I have gone to churches where I am not the pastors kid and am currently on my 4th church where I am the pastors kid (3rd I can remember).
The church I am now at has a history with me, at the end of year 12 my Dad left his job as a pastor where he had held the position for 7 years to study and my parents decided to go to this one but I didn't feel like I fit in and went to another one ( partly because I think I wanted to be my own person and not connected to my parents). I lasted at that church for over a year but when the position of associate pastor came up at this church and the position was perfect for my Dad I felt like I should give the church another chance. I did end up doing the whole juggling 2 churches thing for a while but eventually felt drawn to this one and after making it official last year by becoming a member I have no desire to leave.
I have grown in this church and know I will do a lot more growing behind those doors in the years to come. I have been recruited to do Sunday school, help out at holiday programs (which left me with a killer cold and took a week to recover from!) and bake for many events (mainly thanks to my Dad) and each one has allowed me to showcase my gifts.
The community of this church is amazing with board games every Saturday night with the young adults and knowing that you can call on anyone in the congregation when you are down. I am proud to tell people where I go to church and what we are known for (ultimate Frisbee, board games and puns) and know that no matter how bad I am feeling and what has been going on in my life I can walk through those doors and feel at peace.

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Such a God Thing

So today was exactly 3 months since I lost my license so it meant I could finally start to get it back. I had spent the past 2 nights doing practice theory tests and my lowest score was 25 out of 30 which was still a pass (you need 24/30 to pass) but despite that I was feeling anxious because my anxiety likes to flare up and make my life hell. I managed to beg my Dad to drive me to the licensing centre near my work because there was no way I was going to survive public transport. I walked into the centre armed with the paperwork and my ID points, I passed a girl walking out with an instructor to take her test looking extremely anxious and I sent a quick prayer that she would pass and prayed that my next practical test would go well.
I walked up to the counter and explained that I was there to sit my theory test and start to get my license back and I get given a number and told to wait. Those few minutes were hell and I began to pray that if there was anyway possible that I wouldn't need to sit the practical test that it would happen and I felt a sense of peace come over me. Eventually my ticket was called and I walked up to the counter, the lady was extremely nice (unlike the last lady I had dealt with at the licensing centre) and told me that she had to do an internal email with my license number because things had changed and there was a chance I wouldn't need to sit any tests. While she did that I continued to pray as I figured if there was any chance that I wouldn't need to sit any tests it would be up to god.
While I waited for the email I presented the various forms of ID required and she called up the main office to make sure my medical certificate was still valid as if you are any form of anxiety medication you have to declare it (it was until 2019) and continued to pray. Eventually the email arrived and I was told that I could get my license back then and there!
I almost fell over because I was not expecting it at all but apparently there was a note on my file by the police chief saying that I didn't need to pass any tests. So I paid $53 and had my photo re-taken for my license and walked out of  there unsure whether to cry from relief or scream to the world that I got my license back. I did neither and instead called my Mum and as soon as she picked up I asked her 'What would be the ideal situation to happen for me regarding my license?' she answered hesitantly back that I didn't need to take the test and when I told her that I had my license back she couldn't believe it, I then called my Dad and he had the same reaction (and he texted a few people tell them the news). I also texted Gem as we had been texting leading up to it and it was also her Birthday and my pastor as he was down on the youth group camp where Jocelyn was as I had no idea if she had her phone or not and figured that was best way to get the news to her.
I couldn't believe it and I still can't as honestly its nothing short of a miracle! All along I was fine to do the time but the thought of having to resit the practical test made me want to hide. I just feel like this is a such a God thing and to be able to drive to work tomorrow is amazing!