Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Changes are in the air

There's a change in the air, I have no idea what but I can feel it. I can feel it, like Christmas the tinkling of bells that are starting to creep into the stores and entering our houses with the start of purchasing presents for our loved ones.
I am ready for the next stage of my life and ready to leave my past behind once again. I will say this many times but planning is overrated, I am over with planning which seems stupid to say that, as I have just bought a diary for next year.
I am Thankful for so much lately, thankful for great friends and God for allowing me to develop more friendships, thankful to my family for being there for me and accepting that sometimes I need more support and other times to be left alone, and thankful to be able to lock myself away from the world at times.
Alfie has started hunting so far I have gotten 2 mice, a rat (which was still alive when he brought it in and as a result is now somewhere in the house) and 2 lizards all delivered to me! As much as I love him I really don't need another mouse or rat or lizard. Yes I might've screamed and jumped on a chair when the lizard crawled into my room (I swear it looked like a small (ok a very small) snake!).
I am still praying and waiting to see what God has in store for me next and I'm ok with that. For now I am trying to focus on my driving and praying that I pass my test when the time comes.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Two years is a long time

Today someone posted on the group someone set up for the class of 2011 for my high school asking what everyone was doing now. I felt confused as to what to write do I say I am unemployed or that I been facing my past or that I am a crazy cat lady. Its been almost two years since I have graduated and in those two years I have done so much yet so little.
I have faced my bullying past and accepted that I can't change my past but I can change the future, I have beaten my anxiety multiple times and shown to people that my anxiety doesn't rule me, I have worked in various places building up my resume with admin experience, I have changed churches and are currently going to two different churches, I have shed what people have labelled me, I have proven to people that I am worth something and that my age doesn't matter when it comes to certain things, I have adopted a kitten, I have learnt to find beauty in the broken, I have done so much and I doubt many people who I went to school with would recognise me. I have changed yet stayed the same. I am still crazy about cats, I still love to bake, I am still a Christian, I still want to change the world, I still want to prove to people I am worth something, I still lack self confidence at times and I still stack it and do stupid things.
In two years I have left behind my past and become comfortable with being me. Yes I am currently unemployed but it doesn't matter God knows what he's doing and two years from now my life might be the same or be completely changed who knows, in two years changes happen and though at the time they may not make sense, with God they will always make sense.
As to what I put for my response as to what I was doing currently I put: Proving to people I am worth something. Sometimes the best responses are the simplest :)

Tuesday, October 15, 2013


Everyone tries to plan out there lives, it doesn't matter how old you are you still try and plan out what will happen in the future. Of course we then get annoyed and upset at God when things don't go as we planned them. You don't go on a date with that cute girl or guy and then live happily ever after with them, you don't get that job you so wanted, you don't get into the university you wanted or if you do get into the university you wanted you don't get into the right degree you wanted, the list could go on. The thing is at some stage no matter how much work you put into those plans to make them happen some are bound to crumble all around you and leave you in the wrecks of it-wrecked both emotionally and physically. You can have as many back up plans as you want but what happens when they crumble all around you too and you are left with no more back up plans? What happens when you have no idea what to do and if there is no way out? What happens when you think life can't get any worse but it does? It's simple you turn to God and cry out, you ask for help from people it can be as simple as 'Hey do you have a minute I need to talk and get some stuff off my chest', you seek God and ask him to guide you in what comes next and you talk to people about it and ask them to pray for you and the next step.
Sometimes we realise that the plans we put together so carefully that didn't work out weren't meant to be and for good reasons, other times we lie awake at night asking ourselves what if? But the thing is as much as we can plan out our lives we always forget one thing God is in control of them and he always knows whats right for us.
Besides sometimes plans can be overrated :)

Thursday, October 3, 2013

A weekend away

I spent this past weekend down south with 12 other young adults from my parent's church which is now my church. A while ago (I have no idea exactly when) but I decided that it would be a good idea to go to church with my family in the mornings on Sunday as well as go to my church on Sunday evenings. This means that I am in the process of finding the right balance between both churches, for example working out what events to participate in at both ect.

The weekend away was for this event where churches compete against each other in different sports for every 10 people that participate you need 1 volunteer and I was the volunteer (as I can't play sport to save my life haha). We were lucky in that we had a house to stay in  rather than camping or staying in a rec centre down there. I found I got along well with them all which was good and they accepted me too, it reminded me of my youth group camps when I was younger. The Sunday afternoon was filled with us crashing in the lounge room (on the floor and few chairs that were there) chatting, while the guys decided to play catch with whatever objects were around (if I recall highlighters, a set of keys and an empty coke bottle were some of the objects thrown around!) then came the youtube clips! Most of us had the song Dumb Ways To Die stuck in our head so we listened to that a few times (some people didn't know the song very well or the video clip) and then of course one of the guys decided to show us the video clip What Does The Fox Say.

I ran into a lot of people I knew down there too (being an ex-pastor's kids has its perks) including my cousin (which was awesome and it was great to see her), someone who used to go to my old church, a stack of friends I knew from various places and I was volunteered on hospitality (where you go round and give the other volunteers food and drink) with one of my Mum's friends whom I have know since I was a baby. It was also fun going up to people on one of the teams and saying that my Uncle is their pastor (I couldn't resist haha) which turned out to be a good conversation starter too.

It was a good weekend and one that I can't wait to repeat next year though my youngest sister will be coming too :) though I am still catching up on sleep!