Thursday, May 15, 2014

Coming Clean

I crave the rain, I need the rain, I need the wet rainy days that were made for baking, reading, watching DVDs and snuggling with my cats. To some the rain is depressing but to me it brings new life and makes everything clean. I love the scent of rain mixed with eucalyptus leaves and how everything looks so magical after its rained. To me when it rains I feel at peace and that everything is somehow possible.
My life has been quiet recently, though the job market is picking up a lot of the jobs are unsuitable and I would have no chance in getting them even if I did apply. I failed my last driving test due to reverse parking but I have my next test next Tuesday (a small miracle when I got told that I would be lucky to get a test in June let alone May!) which means that this week I am going to be attempting to nail my reverse parking (even if it takes me all week!). On the bright side its just one thing to work on and I know that I can do the rest.
I honestly feel lost and it's hard when I realise that this time last year I had a job, yes it wasn't perfect but it was a job and I had an income. Currently I am relying on the government which I hate as I am capable of working yet I can't get a job. I have applied for so many jobs and I am lucky to get an interview out of every 50 I apply for (ok maybe that's a slight exaggeration), I just want to work! Yet here's the thing whenever I seriously begin applying for non-admin jobs I get a phone call from a company inquiring about my work experience etc sometimes it leads to an interview and other times the job is too far away or hard to get to so I turn them down (which happens very rarely).
I have spent most of this past week locked away at home, just because things haven't really gone to plan. I have watched a few episodes of Bones, tried willing the phone to ring, reading blogs and sleeping in way too late. I make an effort to get up out of bed each day and get dressed even if my plan is to stay at home, even when I am sick I don't stay in my pyjamas all day and instead will change into track pants (sweatpants) and a plain t-shirt. Yet lately I found myself asking 'what's the point?' and 'maybe I should just stay in bed', this to me is sign of my subconscious giving up. When this happened in the past I have been able to get through it yet at the moment it doesn't seem possible. I am craving change, I have a hair cut booked in on Saturday and honestly I can't wait, I haven't had my hair cut in over a year and I need it (I have split ends on split ends and with fine (but thick) hair I didn't think that was possible!).
The thing I know that God is in control of all this, so I shouldn't be feeling 'off' yet I am, I just have to keep praying and hopefully soon something will come of it.
So this is me coming clean and getting stuff off my chest that has been bugging me. This song has been stuck in my head all week and I love it (even though it's 11 years old and I remember when it came out!).

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