Thursday, May 25, 2017

Not Coping

Recently things have been a bit of a struggle for me, it seems like over a year of unemployment has caught up to me and I am finally breaking. For so long I have put up this mask, where I appear fine and act like being unemployed isn't crushing me but it seems as if the mask is refusing to stay put. I find myself loosing it day to day and would do anything for an escape. I now don't have good days or bad days instead I just have bad days with a few good moments mixed it. For so long I have been pushing away the tears and feeling as though they are sign of weakness but lately all I can do is let them fall.
I walked into my psychologists office on Tuesday and some of the first words out of my mouth were 'I'm not coping, I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this for.' because that is how I feel at the moment. It seems like everyone is getting a job except me, I'm not even getting job interviews at the moment! Of course my psych (have I told you how amazing she is?) pointed out that for anyone I am coping really well (even those without anxiety or a mental illness) and for the past year I have been coping at such a high level that now I have dipped despite still coping well it doesn't feel like it compared to the level I was on. I am allowed to feel this way and it's honestly expected after more than a year of unemployment.
I have tried so many times to write this post and it's been really hard but in order to be honest with myself I needed to write it down. So at the moment life isn't going well and I'm not coping, I am praying it will change but for now I am taking it one day at a time and trying to stay focused on the bigger picture.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Do not be discouraged. Just keep praying and know that trying in itself is a win! And we're you're overwhelmed, read Psa 61:2
"From the end of the earth I will cry to You, When my heart is overwhelmed; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I."