Tuesday, November 7, 2017

When things don't go as planned

My life isn't going as planned and that's ok -  is what I want to scream from the rooftops when people
ask me how I am going. Maybe because I want to reassure or convince myself or maybe because I feel the need to let people that sometimes when things don't go as planned that's ok.
I never in a million years thought I would maybe going back to study next year, but I'm ok with it.
I thought when I was 23 I would be married by now or at least have a boyfriend, but I don't and I am seriously ok with it.
When I was younger I thought medication would 'fix' my anxiety but it doesn't alone, so I see a psych and do regular exercise and try to eat a high protein diet and I've never felt better.
I used to think volunteering was overrated and I could never find time to volunteer regularly or find an organisation I would be so passionate about. But then I discovered ReachOut and it's been almost 3 years of being a Youth Ambassador and I have no desire to stop anytime soon.
I didn't think I was a good enough writer to have anything published other than this blog, but I took a chance and submitted an article to The Mighty which got published and I am so proud of myself. I have since had multiple articles published and it's been a great confidence boost.
This past week things have started to go as planned, I got a job interview (it was only a first round interview but it was something!), I got accepted into a ReachOut program which seemed like a far fetched dream when I applied, I got a certificate recognising that I had raised $380 for ReachOut with my last fundraising activity along with an encouraging letter from them, I bought two cute tops from Jeanswest that made me feel confident and life in general seems great. But I can't help wonder how long this will last, sure life seems to be on the up but when will it start to crash down around me again? I am a planner by nature yet when things do go as planned I can't help but question when they won't. Over this past year I have shed many tears and felt hopeless too many times too count but I have gotten through it. I questioned what was going on and there were times I just wanted to give up (and nearly did) but through it all God had a plan and he helped guide me through it.
Yes things haven't gone as planned and I have no idea why, but I've survived it and I now know that when things don't go as planned that it's ok because at the end of the day God has a plan for me and he will guide me through it all and that's pretty amazing to think about.

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