Updates and Learning How to Embrace the Craziness
but it just happened. When you spend all day staring at a computer screen and writing content as part of your job it can be hard to find the energy and motivation to write. So this is a big update and I am hoping I will get back into blogging regularly.
Lets start with work, so if you haven't been following along I randomly got a job at a coffee/mental health start up called Barty Single Origin and I can finally say that it's official as in I am getting paid (semi) regularly and I no longer need to look for other jobs. It's really picked up recently so there's been lots of craziness and I'm more or less working full time hours but with some flexibility (I can take a few hours out of the day to attend appointments or meet a friend for coffee). I probably work 30-35 hours a week depending on a variety of factors (though I'm trying to stick to 30 hours at the moment), I work from home and now have a separate work space which is good. I don't know how to really describe my role except that my title is mental health officer but I also handle customer service enquiries plus policies plus helping expand the mental health department plus help provide internal support, I wear a lot of hats to say the least! As we've expanded so much so quickly things are super crazy and there are days when all I do is work and only really crash when I go to sleep but I am trying to make myself take breaks. A few weeks ago I officially signed a placement of employment form at my employment agency which is something I never thought I would get to do.
I'm not going to pretend I don't struggle at work and imposter syndrome is real! I feel like every 3-4 weeks I second guess myself and go in a downward spiral and it's hard to work for a start up with a lot of uncertainty (but I know God is behind everything so that helps!). My boss is a huge support though and knows how to give good pep talks when I struggling and helps me see the bigger picture. He also says that his job is to keep pushing me out of my comfort zone and as someone who has spent most of their life playing it safe it's a challenge to say the least but I am learning to just go with it. I love my job and my colleagues and honestly I still pinch myself that this is my life.
At this point in time I am hoping and praying I will get to Sydney soon but it will be in the new year (thinking February or March) and I have talked Jocelyn into joining me for at least some of the trip if she can get time off work. People still find it strange that I have yet to meet my boss or colleagues in person but it is what it is and I look forward to the day that I can.
I can't believe its been over a month since my parents and middle sister left the country, it feels like they've been gone forever but also that they just left. Jocelyn and I are finding our feet and I am so proud of how well we've been coping. All the animals are alive and the cats let us know regularly that the house revolves around them. Of course we had an issue when the neighbours house burnt down a few weeks ago due to suspected arson (luckily there was no one inside at the time). There is nothing like coming home from a dinner at a family friends house to fire trucks right outside your house and for a split second thinking your house was on fire.
The dizziness is just doing its thing in the background but I have had a few rough days and there's nothing quite like being woken up with nausea and an increase in dizziness. I'm hoping my doctor and I will figure out a treatment plan soon, but I honestly think for now I'm just going to have to plan my life around it and hope that the increases aren't too major. Every other day the dizziness likes to be bad and I am not sure how to feel about that. I can honestly say if I had to drive to work and deal with people face to face I probably wouldn't be coping with it as well. I had my bloods rechecked a few weeks ago and it turned out my iron levels were borderline and had dropped quite a bit since they were last checked at the start of the year and my doctor strongly recommended me getting an infusion again. So I am booked in for the 11th of November and I am dreading it to a degree as the last time I had one I didn't have the greatest experience. I am planning on not doing much the day after it except to attend a work meeting (via video chat) as the last time I had the infusion the next day was rather full on as we had my sister's 21st open house so I am wondering if that contributed to the side effects lingering. For those who get infusions and feel great afterwards or don't deal with many side effects I am very envious.
I knew when I got a job a lot of my hobbies/forms of selfcare would reduce but I didn't realise how much. I actually need to schedule in time to bake and I have so many craft ideas that just aren't happening. I try to watch an episode or two of a TV show at night after dinner while I embroider and that's my selfcare at the moment. I have ideas of going for a walk during my lunch break or breaking out the polymer clay or Cricut after work but none of that has been happening. One thing I try to do it meet up with a friend once a week for morning tea or lunch as I have flexible hours and during the middle of the day the live chat isn't super busy. It's nice to have some human interaction face to face and also taking some time to strengthen relationships. I'm realising that I need to prioritise the time I do have set aside for self-care so I get the most out of it. Sometimes that means not attending games after church on Saturday nights so I can go home and crash or saying no to weekends away.
I have a few fun things coming up in the coming months including volunteering with Green Team at leavers. We are actually on ticket sales this year so no late nights which means my doctor has signed off on me going. I will have to work during the week but it's also counting as PD and I work remotely so I will just play it by ear that week.
A lot of people are worried that I am burning out and don't get me wrong I do crash on the weekends but I am also building up my stamina. I have hit burn out before so I know the signs to look for and last year I also had a breakdown (which had been coming for a long time) so I am doing all that I can not have a repeat of it.
Honestly my life is crazy at the moment and even more complicated than I ever could've imagined but I love it (even the down moments). I am learning to embrace the craziness and to just enjoy everything as it comes.
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