Saturday, May 5, 2012

Just a bump in the road.

I am so sorry for not posting at all this past week, the main reason has been because my anxiety has been playing up.
For some reason on Monday morning I felt a bit teary/emotional but went to TAFE and hoped that the feeling would pass, it didn't as soon as I walked into TAFE I burst into tears so ran into the bathroom and tried to calm myself down. Of course as soon as I walked into class the tears began again, thankfully I had the lecturer that had been with me when I had my anxiety at the beginning of the year (the lecturer I should've had wasn't there for some reason) and she was very understanding and said it wasn't my fault and made me go home to rest (I spent most of the bus trip home wearing my sunglasses to hide my tears though I am pretty sure everyone could tell I was crying). I spent the rest of day being mad at myself for letting my anxiety get in the way of TAFE, I told myself over and over again that I had no reason to be anxious and that tomorrow was a new day and that it would be better. My parents have always been very understanding about my anxiety and were as confused as I was, as to why I was being like this (I had no clue what so ever). So the next day get off the bus to walk to my TAFE campus (its on the other side of a oval) and the tears begin once again walk into class with tears streaming down my face. Once again the lecturer I had (a different one to the day before) was very understanding and as it was prac I said I was worried if I went home I wouldn't catch up, my lecturer said as long as I am willing to work she would help me catch up and that the anxiety wasn't my fault (she has been lecturing for over 30 years so has seen it all). I had an excursion with the same class the next day and she said that I could miss it as it wasn't going to do me much good at all. By this point my parents and I had no idea what was going on so they booked me into my doctor (who managed to fit me into his lunch break) who gave us 3 solutions: Leave it which clearly wasn't going to work as I had TAFE and my anxiety was stopping me from functioning or prescribe me some medication to take until the anxiety passes or double the current medication I am on for a small period of time until the anxiety passes. We all decided to number two with an option to do number three if the medication didn't work. Well the medication he prescribed managed to knock me out (one of the effects it said it would cause was drowsiness which is cleary did).

Even though I had TAFE on Thursday I decided to start a fresh week on Monday and to allow a good few days for the medication to work, well I decided to lie on the couch with a pillow and blanket and dosed off for just under 5 hours. I NEVER sleep during the day so this was strange, (I honestly have no idea how I could sleep that long during the day) and my parents and I decided to try number three and not take the medication my doctor had prescribed. My doctor told my mum that if I was sleepy and couldn't function will on the medication to switch to option 3 as he trusts my parents judgement, also a few years ago I was on a similar medication for the same reason (my anxiety flaring up) and that made me sleepy back then and didn't really work so he knew that it could happen again.

I am going to see my doctor this coming Wednesday to give him an update on the situation. As to why my anxiety flared up, we have no idea though the virus that I had last week could've made it flare up but thats just a therory. Whats important is that we are dealing with it and that soon I will be back to normal.

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