Wednesday, February 28, 2018

What can change in a month after a panic attack

Growing up there were so many things I wanted to be (hairdresser, florist, vet nurse, child care worker...) and up until recently I wanted to work in administration environment. I then had to reassess my career plans when after almost 2 years I could not find work in that area. I figured I would study IT and work with computers but after a panic attack on the second day I knew it wasn't meant to be. It's funny looking back on when I had the panic attack it was like my mind was telling me IT work wasn't something I could do and making an excuse to get out of the course. I actually remember feeling SO relieved when I was told I could meet with careers counsellor to find another course if I didn't feel like the course was a good fit for me.
I never in a million years thought I would be studying community services or enjoying it as much as I am. What's also funny is that both my psych and employment agency felt that IT was never going to be a good fit for me and feel that community services is my niche.
Community services is such a broad area so I have no idea where this course will land me. I want to help people, I LOVE the work I do for ReachOut, I've worked in local government before, I have life experience with a mental illness and are able to relate those going through similar experience and I have experience with people with disabilities.
I had a psych appointment yesterday and she was saying how good I look and how she's never seen me this mentally healthy. Sure my anxiety likes to flare up at random times(sometimes for no reason at all) but my down days aren't as frequent and I feel a lot more in control of my anxiety and mental health. I also think not having the unemployment label is helping instead I am a full time student not just someone struggling to find a job in a tough job market. I'm not waiting for the phone to ring regarding job interviews or putting all my hopes and prayers in to job applications or dealing with employment agency meetings that leave me walking away from them in tears. Instead I am studying 3 days a week, doing assignments and getting excited about the future. I'm doing ReachOut forum work on my non class days and at night after study. I'm dreaming of new ways I can get involved as a Youth Ambassador and how I can help ReachOut grow in the future. I'm putting what I am learning into practice with ReachOut and putting my experience with ReachOut into my study.
It's hard to believe that this path all started with a major panic attack and from something so scary something so good could come of it.

No comments: