Tuesday, June 3, 2014

What's next God

Every now and then I have a saying that I will end up saying multiple times until it becomes a 'saying' for a period of my life. When I had just turned 18 and lost my job due to having an anxiety attack it was "My life can't get any worse!" because for that period of time every little thing that could go wrong did, when I lost my job last July when my parents were away it was "I have realised that my life is not my own", for a while it has been "It's all in God's hands" and now it's currently "What's next God?".
Every morning I wake up without having any idea of what my day has in store, most of the time I have a vague idea but even then I long for the phone to ring regarding a job interview or something letting me know I am on the right track.
I have (finally) passed my drivers test which is great (and somewhat a miracle) and I am getting my hours up. I am now concentrating on getting a job which isn't happening, I check the Seek app frequently and applying for any job that I can, yet I don't seem to be moving forward. I am finding it harder to get out of bed in the mornings which I hate and there are days when I wonder if there is even a point of getting up and facing the world. I get mad when I see people who have work complaining about their jobs when I would do anything to get a job. I get mad when people question why I'm not at uni and why I'm not still studying. I have never had a desire to go to uni and there is nothing that I can see myself studying there, also I can't cope with exams and know that uni would be a waste of time for me. I am over dealing with my employment agency and the past appointments have been them telling me to get experience in retail even though I am trying to line volunteer work relevant to admin and business. I just want a job where I will feel needed and are able to use and build up my skills that I have. I guess I am getting to the point where everyday I wake up and go 'What's next God?' praying that I will get an answer.

No comments: