A while ago I knew this girl, she felt that she could take on the world and that things were finally getting easier after so many years of struggling. She got a job and was feeling on top of things then she lasted 2 days in that job and crashed, she got help and thought things were getting easier again but they didn't. This continued multiple times things would get easier or she would feel that she was getting on top of things and something would happen and she would fall down again. Every time she would say that it was all in God's plan for her and things would get better despite feeling so helpless and broken.
That girl is me and honestly I still feel broken. Its hard especially when you feel the need to compare yourself to your academic cousins on your mum's side of the family. I had to endure hearing about all their achievements in everything when my biggest achievement was that I was still surviving school. I soon learnt that comparing myself to my cousins was pointless and only made me feel bad about myself yet its still hard not to especially when 2 of your cousins are doing medicine.
The thing is why should I feel on a lower level than my cousins? I am following God and still trusting him after everything that has happened (and will continue to happen). I have achieved more than I ever thought I would in terms of academics and have started my Diploma in Business Administration which I never thought would be possible. Yes I didn't get the job I went for yesterday but the feedback was good and the only reason I didn't get it was because they went with an older candidate who had slightly more experience than me. But I was 1 of 4 out of 370 applicants to be interviewed and that's great. I know I am in the right direction and I will just keep studying and applying for jobs until I get something. Sometimes you just need to look at the small achievements in the bigger picture and realise that at the end of the day God knows what he's doing.
I would appreciate if you could continue to pray that I will get a job soon and that my study will continue going as well as it has.