Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Running Away

Like most people during my teenage years I threatened to run away, not once or twice though but many times. This was always when my anxiety had reached its peak and life got too hard, of course being the uneducated teenager I was I didn't realise that I couldn't run away from my anxiety as it was in my head. I gave my parents so much grief during those episodes because what can you do when a 15 year old is screaming that she is going run away because she can't face school or the next obstacle in front of her? You can threaten and punish all you want but at the end of the day she has to want to face it not you. I packed my suitcase more times than I can remember but never getting beyond the front yard, because as much as my anxiety was an obstacle the unknown world was a bigger one. After every episode I would come to my senses and face the obstacle to the best of my abilities, I can't remember what those obstacles were but I can tell you that I got over them (with a lot of difficulty at times!).
My life has been full of obstacles from dreading playing sport due to having Dyspraxia and getting teased because of it, to having full blown anxiety attacks 2 hours in to a new job nothing seems to be easy for me.
Sometimes I dream about packing everything up and driving a way from it all, but one thing stops me it may be a good decision now but is it really a good decision for the future? This is what I keep reminding myself late at night when the future gets too overwhelming and the fear of uncertainty gets too much. Running away is never the answer no matter how good it may seem at the time.

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