Speaking Up - My experiences with Cyber Bullying
I try to be vocal about my struggles, I have openly posted about my journey with anxiety and then later my experiences with bullying. But I still struggle with going into specific areas within those journeys and for me talking about my experiences with cyber bullying is really hard and I am ashamed of it.
So for me to agree to do a media release with ReachOut and sharing my cyber bullying experience is a big deal, so it only made sense to share it here as well.
My original post about my experiences with bullying is here if you want to read it first.
It happened 9/10 years ago, Facebook was still relatively new and my only experiences with knowing what cyber bullying was was from reading a young adult novel (Destroying Avalon). I remember reading the book and feeling relieved that it was the one type of bullying I hadn't experienced as it sounded horrible and soul destroying. With in person bullying I knew I could escape to home and hide, it was my safe space and the one place that I could shut out the world. With cyber bullying though it brought it into my house and my safe space and I couldn't shut it out.
I didn't have a smart phone and they weren't something that everyone had, I didn't see the need to be connected to the internet 24/7 and it was a good thing. The computer we had was in the main living area, which meant that my parents could see what was happening as they walked by and there was no privacy. I had only just gotten Facebook and as was the case you were friends with everyone from your grade at your school, this meant I was Facebook friends with the person who bullied me.
The person who bullied me had his own issues and decided to take it out on me, we had science class together and other students took notice of us talking - he was a bit of an outsider and I was being nice. The students then thought I had a crush on him and started to jokingly tease me and him about it, I brushed it off and thought nothing of it.
I remember logging on Facebook and seeing that I had a message in my inbox from this guy and without hesitation I opened it. The words that filled the screen and my mind were horrible and made me want to hide. I kept rereading them and the more I did the more they sank into my mind and I started to believe them. I didn't respond and I could feel the colour draining out of my face. My parents took notice of what I was reading and tried to contact the school but as it was a Friday afternoon they couldn't get through. On the Monday morning they both went in and said that something needed to be done but as it was the first incident of cyber bullying they had experienced they said they couldn't do anything as it was happening out of school hours (despite being between two students regarding events happening during school hours). I spoke to the principal and was told to be civil to this guy and to pretend like nothing had happened.
The students continued to tease me and this guy, about my supposed crush I had on him and each time he would lash out at me on social media. What was upsetting was at school this guy was civil to me and acted like nothing was wrong but on social media he was dark and his words would cut me. He sent a message that was rather long and terrified both me and my parents (I have blanked out exactly what it said) so my dad screenshotted it and emailed it to the school demanding that something had to be done about it. The boy's parents were brought in and they handled it along with the school, which meant the bullying finally stopped but the damage had already been done.
While the bullying had stopped happening to me, this boy got crafty and proceeded to bully more students over the Summer holidays using a fake Facebook account. It was reported to the school and I (thankfully) haven't seen this guy since and I hope I never do.
The cyber bullying experience has had lasting damage on me and I kept it hidden throughout the rest of my high school years (and beyond). I was getting bullied through a computer screen which was embarrassing, and honestly shouldn't it have made it hurt less as I wasn't dealing with it all face to face? With cyber bullying it brings it into your safe spaces and it gets in your head as you can't seem to pull away from the words on the screen. You can also clearly see who is bullying you face to face but online you never quite know and that makes it worse as you have no idea who you are up against.
Even now, I have this fear of Facebook messages especially if they are from someone who I haven't spoken to in a long time or aren't that close to. I guess it's always in the back in my mind that someone I thought I knew could do something similar.
I sometimes wonder if I had spoken up about it at school and told other people, if the guy would've stopped the cyber bullying and other kids wouldn't have had to deal with what I did after he had moved on from me. Thankfully the school put better policies and practices in place after that year and they learnt how to handle it better. In a twisted way I am thankful that it happened to me, someone who had strong support networks and parents who could advocate for me and weren't afraid to make some noise to get something done about it.
1 in 4 young people will be bullied and just over a third of them will experience cyberbullying so what can you do to prevent it?
SBS interview is here and the Channel 10 interview is here
So for me to agree to do a media release with ReachOut and sharing my cyber bullying experience is a big deal, so it only made sense to share it here as well.
My original post about my experiences with bullying is here if you want to read it first.
It happened 9/10 years ago, Facebook was still relatively new and my only experiences with knowing what cyber bullying was was from reading a young adult novel (Destroying Avalon). I remember reading the book and feeling relieved that it was the one type of bullying I hadn't experienced as it sounded horrible and soul destroying. With in person bullying I knew I could escape to home and hide, it was my safe space and the one place that I could shut out the world. With cyber bullying though it brought it into my house and my safe space and I couldn't shut it out.
I didn't have a smart phone and they weren't something that everyone had, I didn't see the need to be connected to the internet 24/7 and it was a good thing. The computer we had was in the main living area, which meant that my parents could see what was happening as they walked by and there was no privacy. I had only just gotten Facebook and as was the case you were friends with everyone from your grade at your school, this meant I was Facebook friends with the person who bullied me.
The person who bullied me had his own issues and decided to take it out on me, we had science class together and other students took notice of us talking - he was a bit of an outsider and I was being nice. The students then thought I had a crush on him and started to jokingly tease me and him about it, I brushed it off and thought nothing of it.
I remember logging on Facebook and seeing that I had a message in my inbox from this guy and without hesitation I opened it. The words that filled the screen and my mind were horrible and made me want to hide. I kept rereading them and the more I did the more they sank into my mind and I started to believe them. I didn't respond and I could feel the colour draining out of my face. My parents took notice of what I was reading and tried to contact the school but as it was a Friday afternoon they couldn't get through. On the Monday morning they both went in and said that something needed to be done but as it was the first incident of cyber bullying they had experienced they said they couldn't do anything as it was happening out of school hours (despite being between two students regarding events happening during school hours). I spoke to the principal and was told to be civil to this guy and to pretend like nothing had happened.
The students continued to tease me and this guy, about my supposed crush I had on him and each time he would lash out at me on social media. What was upsetting was at school this guy was civil to me and acted like nothing was wrong but on social media he was dark and his words would cut me. He sent a message that was rather long and terrified both me and my parents (I have blanked out exactly what it said) so my dad screenshotted it and emailed it to the school demanding that something had to be done about it. The boy's parents were brought in and they handled it along with the school, which meant the bullying finally stopped but the damage had already been done.
While the bullying had stopped happening to me, this boy got crafty and proceeded to bully more students over the Summer holidays using a fake Facebook account. It was reported to the school and I (thankfully) haven't seen this guy since and I hope I never do.
The cyber bullying experience has had lasting damage on me and I kept it hidden throughout the rest of my high school years (and beyond). I was getting bullied through a computer screen which was embarrassing, and honestly shouldn't it have made it hurt less as I wasn't dealing with it all face to face? With cyber bullying it brings it into your safe spaces and it gets in your head as you can't seem to pull away from the words on the screen. You can also clearly see who is bullying you face to face but online you never quite know and that makes it worse as you have no idea who you are up against.
Even now, I have this fear of Facebook messages especially if they are from someone who I haven't spoken to in a long time or aren't that close to. I guess it's always in the back in my mind that someone I thought I knew could do something similar.
I sometimes wonder if I had spoken up about it at school and told other people, if the guy would've stopped the cyber bullying and other kids wouldn't have had to deal with what I did after he had moved on from me. Thankfully the school put better policies and practices in place after that year and they learnt how to handle it better. In a twisted way I am thankful that it happened to me, someone who had strong support networks and parents who could advocate for me and weren't afraid to make some noise to get something done about it.
1 in 4 young people will be bullied and just over a third of them will experience cyberbullying so what can you do to prevent it?
- Talk to them about what is cyberbullying. Many young people think that cyberbullying is just mean messages and comments repeatedly but it's not. It's comments that can be taken the wrong way, getting excluded from events, and being tagged in cruel memes. One thing to realise is that things can be interpreted in different ways over social media and we need to understand that things that may have been done with a good intention can be taken the wrong way.
- Be friends with them on their social media accounts like Facebook and follow them on Instagram and Twitter. If that's crossing a line or not something you (or they) don't want to do, ask a family friend or extended family member to keep an eye on their accounts for you and let you know if they are doing anything out of character or there's anything that doesn't sit right with them.
- When media stories come up about cyberbullying or concerns about social media talk to them about it. Ask if they can relate and let them know you are there for them, remind them that no one deserves to be bullied over the internet or in person. Use this as a learning opportunity and a chance to educate them and yourself.
- If they are in still in school, ask about where their school stands on cyberbullying and what their policies and procedures are. If they do experience cyberbullying know what can be done about it and where you may need to step in to provide guidance and support.
- Educate yourself on support services that are available there's: ReachOut, Headspace, Lifeline and Kids Helpline. All of which have programs and services available to help teens and young adults going through tough times.
SBS interview is here and the Channel 10 interview is here
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