Last night I finally began to look at jobs and to say that I am overwhelmed would be an understatement I am scared, and honestly just want to crawl under the covers anytime anyone mentions the word job. I have no idea where to start and I am doubting myself does anyone really want to hire a 17 year old who talks far to much, bites their nails, doesn't have their licence and has anxiety? Yes I have the skills many of the jobs require but honestly who would want to hire me?!
I am honestly doubting that I will ever get a boyfriend yes I know I am only 17 but I haven't been kissed and it seems all the guys around me are either chasing after someone else or not interested in me and are happy being friends. Who honestly wants to date someone who is crazy about cats, is still trying to sort out her life, is clumsy (I am amazed that I haven't fallen down or up the stairs at TAFE), and can sometimes be emotional? The fact is I have always dreamt of getting married young its like my ball gown I always dreamt it would be strapless (and it was) and no one could change my mind. In all my dreams I am married by the time I am 21/22 yes I know its young but thats what I have always wanted. My parents got married when they were in their late 20's/early 30's and that suited them but they're not me!
Heres the thing yes I have been a Christian for what seems like forever but there are times when I still find it hard to trust God with things like the above two situations. It really makes me mad at myself because I know I should trust God but for some reason I doubt him. Everyone tells me God has the perfect Job out there for me (and the perfect guy) but there is always a part of me that doesn't believe them. Being a Christian is hard and I will admit trusting God with EVERYTHING (not just a handful of things) is one of the hardest things I have had to do. So I guess I will just have to pray that God helps me trust him with EVERYTHING and pray that he has the perfect job and guy out there for me.