Saturday, August 24, 2013

Focusing on the now

Tomorrow it will be exactly 3 weeks until my 19th Birthday. For the first time in ages I don't care how its celebrated, I have nothing I really want and I have told my parents to suprise me. I have a kitten (for many years I have always jokingly asked for one for my Birthday each year and each time the answer has always been no), my phone works fine and I don't care that its not the latest model, I have clothes and a roof over my head and thats enough for me. My 18th year has been the complete opposite of what I thought it would be and I would rather forget most of it, I had such high expectations of what it should be and it hasn't met any of them.
Tonight I mentioned to my Mum that lately it seems that I am taking risks, I know a few months and even weeks ago I wouldn't have taken temp work as it would've been too risky for my anxiety yet on Monday I start temp work and I am looking forward to it. I am also confident that I should be able to cope with full time work now (whether I end up getting full time work is in God's hands). In just over a months time I am volunteering at a Christian sport event because something in me thought why not?! For those who have known me long enough this is something I never would have in the past as anything out of routine freaks me out. 
Yes my 18th year has been hard yet the outcomes have been good and in 3 weeks time when I say goodbye to it as much as I will be relieved that its over I will be proud of myself for what I have acheived in it. But for now its time to focus on the present and try not to think about the future as why should I need to worry about things that may or may not happen.

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