I am extremely tired and trying to rest up before work tomorrow yet I had to write this post! This past weekend I went down south to volunteer at the sport competition between all the churches, it was my first time driving such a distance alone (I left straight after work so beat most of the traffic) and I did ok. I got down just after 6.00pm and met Gemma for dinner to celebrate my birthday then arrived at the gym at around 8.30pm. The rest of the weekend is a blur and I left this morning before the official closing ceremony so I could beat the traffic and head home to relax. We actually came first in the small churches competition which was amazing and I can't believe that we did so well :)
Last night was a tough night for me, I was exhausted and couldn't sleep at all no matter how hard I tried! I find I need to get a decent amount of sleep (8-10 hours a night) with having anxiety as it helps me cope better, yet I couldn't and it was annoying to say the least. After tossing and turning for a good 30 minutes (I am also positive someone else was also having trouble sleeping as well which helped make me feel not so alone) I decided that maybe I should pray.
Recently I have been struggling with the direction my life is heading due to loosing my license. I just didn't understand why God could do this to me and I was a bit mad with him -why would he take it away after I worked so hard to get it?! My life has never been easy and it seems like just when life is going well or semi smoothly another obstacle happens. I know I shouldn't be angry with God yet it was easy not to.
I eventually ended up praying myself to sleep, I poured out everything, how angry I was at that this happening, how I feel like I am trapped at the moment as my anxiety has decided to flare up, how I feel so alone being one of the only Christians at work, you name it I prayed about it. When I woke up this morning (mind you at 6.00am) I felt calm and knew that despite the fact that this is happening, I would get through this. I was also for the first time able to look at the bigger picture, 3 months is only 12 weeks (I mean I was unemployed for almost 2 years!!!) and I will be able to get it back just before the school year starts next year. I officially don't have a license as of the 20th of October so I can start getting it back from the 20th of January (I unfortunately wasn't able to speed up the process which sucks!). I also realised that its super easy to loose it when you are in your first year of driving, all it takes is one speeding ticket on a double demerit period to loose it or 2 individual speeding tickets. I know it won't be easy but it will be bearable at least.
If you could continue praying for me that would be great, because the only way to get through this is with God's help.