Sunday, September 20, 2015

This isn't happening

Let me be clear I didn't want to write this post and I never in a million years thought I would be 'that person' but I am. I have lost my license. I refuse to go into details but I will tell you that it means 3 months without driving and me having to resit my practical test (you know the one I failed 4 times?). I tried to appeal it but that didn't work and now soon I will won't have a license for 3 months. I can handle the no license part for 3 months but not the resit the practical test part. This will mean that getting to work will be more challenging (and take longer) and my freedom/independence is gone. Its still a shock to the system.
I hand in my license this week but then I still have 28 days to drive (apparently its to get your affairs in order or something?!) but if it was up to me I would much rather have 7 days (so hand it in on a Tuesday then the following Tuesday the 3 months start) as it would mean that I could get it over and done with rather than it dragging out for 28 days.
I am not a reckless driver but it only took 1 offense for me to loose my license as I have had it for less than a year. I don't want people to think that I am a bad/reckless driver and that's my biggest fear, it was 1 offense and a complete accident.
I guess I just thought that my life would be easier now that I have a job, but its not. I don't know why God has done this to me, I mean haven't I been through enough?! This has shaken me in so many ways, it ignited my anxiety in me at work so the past 2 weeks have been hell and made me second guess myself.
A big part of me just wishes I could hide for the next 3 months yet instead I will face the world with a (fake) smile on my face because things have to get better eventually. I may joke about how I lost my license but deep down I am struggling in so many ways and I just want people to tell me it will be fine and its ok to let the tears fall even though once I start they won't stop.

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