Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Change

I'm not a fan of change, I need routine to function and need to know what is going on at all times for me being spontanious isn't a thing. For example I go to the same petrol station on the same day at the same time every week which some might call it crazy but for me I like knowing that on that day I w
ill fill up my car and it will be cheaper than any other day of the week.
Don't get me wrong change is good and if things didn't change we would all be stuck in the same situations but it doesn't make it any easier to accept. I am currently in a transition period looking for work (again!) and just trying to figure out what I want to do with my life long term and whats needed to get to that place. Its extremely annoying especially when there are no jobs to apply for and the ones that you do apply for you hear nothing back from (excuse me while I go scream into a pillow then hug my cat and eat a block of chocolate to cope)! Or if you do hear back from them its just a short generic email saying that you weren't suitable for the job with no other explanation (which is to be expected if they have so many applicants but it just makes me worse than what I already am feeling).
There is no doubt about it that my anxiety is linked into this need to have a routine. Having a routine and knowing what is going on at all times helps me manage it. When I was younger I hated anything out of the ordinary that was happening and would dig myself into this hole thinking about the various events. School excursions even if they were fun I would get anxious over, sports and swimming carnivals I hated (mind you I think being bad at sport due to Dyspraxia didn't help) and don't even get me started on school camps! Now that I am an adult and I have some control over what is going on in my life it helps and I can plan my days depending on how I am feeling and what else is happening in my life. Of course that only works 50% of the time as God always has other plans and I feel like so much of my time is spent waiting and praying.
Change is hard and no one should deny that it isn't but it can also be amazing like when a caterpillar changes into a butterfly or the garden comes alive after a good rain storm. I guess to put it simply I am just struggling with the changes that are happening around me at the moment and look forward to when I come alive again after a good storm.


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