Monday, July 25, 2016

6 months and 1 week of unemployment round 2

Today was a rough day, not only was I in pain from my 5km walk yesterday (only ReachOut would be worth walking that much for!) but it hit me that I have been unemployed for 6 months and 1 week. I honestly thought that I would be employed by now but there is no end in sight and its super discouraging! My phone rang twice today and both times I hoped that it would be regarding a job interview and both times it wasn't one was about a 5 day gym trial (I'm in pain from walking so going to the gym isn't on my mind right now!) and the other was my employment agency wanting to move my appointment back tomorrow (which is fine). It seems that no matter how much I willed the phone to ring regarding a job interview it didn't (praying that it will tomorrow)!
It got me thinking if I knew what the future held would I have accepted the job over a year ago knowing that a year later I wouldn't be signing another contract for a year and celebrating surviving a year, instead I would at home wanting to hit my head against the wall? I don't know, a part of me thinks I wouldn't have and another part of me feels like I still would've given it a shot because at the end of the day I survived 6 months in a high stress job that many people who don't battle anxiety have told me they wouldn't have been able to survive.
I ended up heading to my favourite café (despite having been there on Friday) along the river and just sitting, praying and reading my bible because sometimes you just need to stop and pray. I ended up reading some Psalms starting with the one Psalm that I keep going back to, Psalm 27 and then just flicking through them and reading what caught my eye. I read how God answers prayers and even when we feel discouraged he is there and he listens to our prayers and answers them in his own time. I just feel like its really hard to stay positive when so many people are getting their dream jobs and having their prayers answered. I just want to be able write that I have a interview then a week later I have a job then a week later I am feeling super overwhelmed and have no idea what the hell I am doing in this job but God is with me post and finally in a month or so later I am no longer drowning in this job post but I can't see that happening anytime soon and it sucks.
Everyday when I get in the car I pray that God will show me what my next step should be and guide me through this tough time and show me light at the end of this tunnel because I can't see it and I have no idea what I should be doing.


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