Today I am officially 19 years and 11 months which means (drumroll) that in exactly 1 month I will no longer be a teenager. I am unsure how I feel about turning 20, I mean I should be exited or something right? Yet all I can think about is how the past couple years have been let downs, well not my actual birthday but a week or so after the day things begin to go haywire and never seem to pick back up.
My 18th birthday was fun and I enjoyed the week leading up to it as it was (meant to be) my last week of freedom before I started my first ever 'grownup job' 2 afters turning 18 of course my anxiety forced me to leave that job and I was diagnosed with severe anxiety attacks. Don't get me wrong I later found if I hadn't received treatment for the attacks when I did they would have been impossible to treat and I am much better off because of it but it was still a let down. My 19 birthday was quiet and rather low key as I had spent 3 weeks leading up to doing temp work full time but it was still fun, well a week after it I finished that temp work and I have been unemployed ever since. I am not complaining but I would like for this birthday to be different to have the actual day be perfect and then not a few days or a week later my life to fall apart.
I know that everything is in God's hands and there is a reason for everything but I can't help but wonder what the reason behind me waiting so long to get a job is about. I do know that when I eventually passed my drivers test it was that much sweeter and I don't take being able to drive for granted (yes I am still on my hours but in just over 3 months I will officially have my license!) so when I do eventually get a job it will be worth it.
For now I will be trying to enjoy my last month of being a teenager and praying that I get a job before my 20th birthday.