Dear 2018

Dear 2018,

I am ending you on antibiotics and with a cold that won't go away, but what a year you have been! I have to admit I am a bit sad to see you go and this year has been one of the best years for me in a long time.

At the start of the year I had this urge that I needed to document it, I found a box and labelled it 2018 then throughout the year I have placed mementos and things to help me remember the year by I have no idea why but I hope that in the future I will look back on this year and be amazed at what I achieved in it.

In February I went back to study, I decided to study Computer Systems Technology and promptly had an anxiety/panic attack on the second day back, I felt like a failure and just wanted to hide. But God had other plans and he used something I was ashamed about to lead to something good and I started studying Community Services. I found myself and knew this is what I should be doing, I loved getting my Cert. 4 in it so much so that I found myself continuing study and I am half way through getting my Diploma in Community Services. I can't wait until next semester and am eager to see what it holds. I love looking back at my past assignments and I am so proud of what I have achieved. Almost everyone I know has told me that community services is the right job for me and I never would have found out if it wasn't for that panic attack.
In March I experienced my first broken bone (when I did it, my sister exclaimed that she couldn't believe I hadn't done one sooner) when I fell down 3 steps on campus and broke my ankle! I ended up being in a moonboot for 12 weeks which sucked and it's still giving me trouble all these months later. I joke that it's proof that I am the clumsiest person ever and all my friends seem to agree with me.

I learnt how to cater on a larger scale this year, as I catered the youth group camp and helped cater a friend's wedding. Both were full on at the time but I am proud of myself for doing both and have no doubt that the skills I have learnt will come in handy and that they won't be the last things I cater.

All my hard work has finally started to pay off anxiety wise and people started to tell me I looked

healthier and more relaxed. Both my psych and doctor couldn't believe how well I am doing and am both proud of me. I started to journal more, regularly practice self-care and not rely on sugar as much. I finally feel like I am showing my anxiety who is boss, while I do have bad days they aren't as bad as what they used to be and it's been great to see a noticeable improvement over the year.

This year was all about pushing myself out of comfort zone as it was something I have always struggled with. When you have anxiety it can be so easy to just stay in your bubble and not move out of your safe space and somehow in my mind I had built up safe areas and safe people, this was preventing me from living my life and while I do push myself a lot, I wanted to really push myself and prove to myself that I could take big risks and survive.
I went to some events where I knew very little people to start but the big thing I did was sign up and participate in G Team. I really enjoyed it and I want to do it next year and see if I can rope in some extra people from church so they get to experience it to.

I turned 24 this year and it's a weird age to be in as some of my friends are single, some of my friends are married and some of them married with kids. It's a really transitional period and if I am being honest I have struggled with working out where I fit in and felt isolated at times. Don't get me wrong I am 100% where I am meant to be right now, but it has been tough at times.

I continued to be involved with ReachOut as both a Forum Moderator and Youth Ambassador. I fundraised, took over their instragram stories for a day, did some stalls and even did a speech on how ReachOut has helped me! I also to attend their 20th celebrations in March and also completed another Moderator Workshop. It's been really helpful to get to apply what I am learning in Community Services into both of these roles and am I am excited to see where my work with ReachOut leads me over the next year.

I also continued to be involved with the young adults at church and while the group dynamic has changed, it's been great to see some new faces. We read through all of Genesis in a night which was awesome and it was great to see how the all stories fitted together, then just before Easter we read through all of Luke. We competed in the Inter-Church young adult sport competition and came 16th overall. We also had no ambulances called or injuries requiring a trip to hospital this year which was good.

Self-care was something I had to focus on during the busy times and I really needed to schedule a few times before I ended up on empty. I realised that self-care doesn't have to take a huge amount of time or be a big deal, it can be something as simple as watching a TV for 30 minutes or reading a chapter of a book. I also started to say no to things when I found myself feeling overwhelmed with life and needing a break. There were times when I had 5 assignments due, I needed to bake for bible study and had to vacuum and I couldn't go on like this. I realised that the world wasn't going to fall apart if I said no and that I am allowed to take a step back from things if I need to. Thankfully I am now on a break from everything until a week into January before the year kicks off and life starts to slowly get busy again.

This year has seen me grow and really learn how to fly, I am so proud of myself of what I have achieved and looking back on the 2018 it's been a great year. Yes there have been low points but there has also be high points and things I never in a million years thought I would do.
I have no idea what 2019 will hold and I can't wait  to see what I will achieve and experience.

Thanks 2018 for a great year and hopefully 2019 is even better.

Love Erin

2017 recap, 2016 recap and 2015 recap
http://erin-marees-antics.blogspot.com/2015/12/dear-2015.html