Monday, April 8, 2013

Finding an escape

Blogging is the only that is making sense at the moment. I can't believe I am admitting it but lately I spend all my time listening to music and either going through a draft post (always the same one) or waiting for inspiration for a new post. The job front is looking bad and once again I can feel myself slowly loosing grip on the positives and focusing on the negatives. I find myself wanting to hit my head against a wall and wondering what on earth is happening to me. This time 2 weeks ago I was confident and the feeling of confidence made me come alive, now I am a just a shell of it.
None of my stratergies are helping me, things that have always worked aren't working, I am loosing focus and nothing is helping me refocus. Today I was in a down mood and nothing was working, even my iftheworstcomestotheworst stratergies weren't working. I tried to cry but no tears came, going on my favourite funny websites didn't produce any laughter or emotion, baking bread (it somehow helps me feel better) made me mad at the dough- even though it worked perfectly!
I can't and won't give up on finding a job and even though I have no idea what I am supposed to be doing at the moment, I will keep searching until it does.
I need an escape yet I can't seem to find one and am beginning to wonder if I ever will.

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