I sometimes wish I could see into the future, not my whole life just 3 years ahead. Maybe then I wouldn't feel worthless at times or get discouraged when I get interviews but not jobs. I wonder what job I would be working, whether I would have a boyfriend or not, if I would adopt the kitten I so want, if I did travel over east to see my nieces and nephew celebrate their first birthday or not, what car I would be driving. It would give me the peace of mind realising that life does get better.
Yesterday I knocked back an interview, it was too hard to get to yes I was probably making it more complicated than it really was to get to but I knew where it was (I lived around the area many years ago and drove past the building a fair bit) and I couldn't see myself making the trek to it by public transport. Yes I can see myself getting my license by the end of the year but at the moment I don't have it in me to catch 2 buses and a train to it. I also knew the chances getting the job was slim and when you have had a busy week sometimes having a job interview on top of everything else that has been happening is to much for me emotionally. For me to knock back interviews isn't new I have done it a few times because of various reasons and I have never regretted doing it.
I have been missing work experience alot this past week, it gave me a purpose and it something to do. I loved being busy and throwing myself into working. For it to end feels strange but I am praying a job comes up at the uni soon and maybe in a few weeks I will get a call regarding more work that I can do, I just don't know.
Today I intend to my day making cookies and making cards whilist watching Pitch Perfect (third time this week and I can quote almost all of Fat Amy's lines, don't judge) because I need a mental health day, before I face the real world again. Because lets face it some days its ok to sleep in and have no desire to do anything other than craft and bake because if I don't look after my mental health then I will get no where any time soon.