A while ago I was having a bad day, nothing was particulary bad about it I just felt down and nothing was helping me get out of the mood. Eventually the tears came and as they made their way down my face I felt better not a lot but a bit so I let them fall I was sick of putting on my 'I'm ok face' and came to the realisation that sometimes its ok to cry. I needed to let everything out and if crying silent tears was the way to do it then so be it.
That was a while ago and since then I have done it a few times and each time I haven't felt ashamed or angry at myself for letting the tears fall. Sometimes the only way to move forward is to let the tears fall. Some days you just need to take a mental health day and spend the day doing nothing, turn off from the world and just do whatever it takes to get you back up to being able the face the next challange. I spent Friday doing nothing, I baked cookies then ate them for lunch just because I could, went through past blog posts and texted friends because I knew if I didn't take some time out I wouldn't be able to face the next week.
This coming week has nothing planned yet in a way it does, I want to go and visit the building where I did work experience with brownies, I want to have coffee with a few friends and I hopefully will have a few more job interviews. I have come to the realisation that I am not in control of my life- God is and he was all along and whatever he plans for me I will accept.