Monday, November 10, 2014

Just a passing storm

So you know what I hate about the job application process? Its the waiting process after you have an interview! I find out next Wednesday if I have the job I really want and the waiting is killing me (not literally of course!). I know just to get an interview I have been lucky especially as this job had over 300 applicants (not a typo 300 people applied for this job!) but I am over the job searching process and just want this to be the 'one'. I know I have said that I am over it many times but this time despite the job marketing picking up I just don't have the energy to apply for jobs. I looked on Seek today but my mind wasn't focused on looking at any potential jobs I mean I looked at a few but none jumped out at me or I thought I could do. I just want to be employed and feel secure in a job, I don't want to live in this limbo anymore.
I don't want to feel worthless because I don't have a job or because I'm not studying and it doesn't look like I have achieved much since I left high school 3 years ago. When I know deep down I have achieved a lot, such as being on top of my anxiety and not having a major attack in over 2 years and passing my drivers test which is amazing for someone with Dyspraxia as many people with it don't ever drive.
I woke up today to thunder and lightning followed by big drops of rain and I loved it, to me there is nothing like the sound and scent of rain. I always find that everything looks more beautiful in the rain the droplets glistening like crystals on the leaves and afterwards when the sun comes out everything looks more vibrant than it did before the rain. To me the rain symbolises beauty and change, yes storms can be destructive and seem to drag on forever (and many times my house has lost power) but during them I always feel like God is saying that as much as we try to control something he can turn everything upside down in a matter of minutes. When the first rain after Summer comes I love to stand outside, try to catch the droplets and taste the rain there is something about doing that that makes me happy.
I feel like this time in my life is a passing storm yet it seems to drag on forever but I know God is in control of it all and I just need to enjoy it for now and find the beauty in it even if at times its hard.

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