'What if this job isn't for me?' was something I finally let myself admit to myself today. What if all the prayers that went into this job were for nothing? What if my struggles and tears over this job are worthless? What if I finish my probation and that's it?
I am in no way ready to give up on this job but at the same time I have to realise that this job may not be what God wants for me. I am loosing confidence in myself and so many times I just want to let the tears fall. I am beginning to feel like I am getting nowhere in this job and am letting down my whole workplace. I prayed about this job so much and when I got it, it felt like such an answer to prayers yet I am wondering if this job was just meant to test and let me know that this isn't for me. The thing is I have no idea what my next step would be if I didn't keep this job and that scares me so much. I know at the end of the day that God is in control and if this doesn't work out he has far better plans for me. I guess all I can do is just keep praying and asking that if this doesn't work out he will show me the next step and what to do.