Sunday, January 10, 2016

Overthinking things

'You are over thinking things' is the response I get from my best friend after I have texted her a novel regarding yet another thing I am unsure about. Of course this is nothing new and its become such a way of my life that I rarely notice it and when I do its because it has kicked my anxiety into gear. After every job interview I had I would obsess over it, the little things like my body language, saying a word wrong or did I get there too early. When I was younger I used to obsess over anything out of routine sports carnivals, swimming carnivals, school sport on Friday's, swimming at school (yes I really hated sport no thanks to my Dyspraxia!) it got to the point where my Mum decided that sometimes it wasn't worth it so I would sometimes get to skip out on those events .
More recently I have obsessed to the point of giving myself anxiety attacks over my license and loosing it. Reliving the moment it happened and I came face to face with a police officer, again and again.
I am currently trying not to obsess over booking the practical test and that's before I even sit it! Booking practical tests is somewhat an art form as its really a lottery system you have to ring up between 4.00pm and 4.30pm praying that they have released yet another round of test placements which of course can be anything from 2 weeks away to 2 months away and its luck of the draw. I would book it online but being on anti anxiety medication means that I am unable to do that so it makes the test booking that much more stressful especially when I work during the 30 minute slot when the tests are released. Of course as I have said many times its in God's hands and I am praying that I get a decent test time ideally in mid February after school has gone back and around 10.00am because being specific never hurt (if you could pray that as well that would be great!).
Then no doubt once I book the test its a different ball game! It's gotten to the point where I am banned from talking about it at work and at home I have to be reminded that its in God's hands and not to stress.
As you can see I obsess over things to the point where it can rule my life, my mind just can't switch off and once again my anxiety is to blame for all of it. Many people don't realise just how many parts of anxiety there is and that just because its not how my anxiety has reared its head in the past doesn't mean it isn't apart of it.
My name is Erin and I am an over thinker and that's ok because I know that everything is in God's hands regardless and its just a part of my anxiety that I am learning how to stop ruling my life.

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